I really want to say this...

that, I really really missed you very much. :(

I'm extremely sorry, I know it's my fault. You can stop seeing me, stop talking to me for now, and I'd understand. But please, don't ever stop talking to me forever. I really want my good friend back. :(

I'm learning to grow up, learning from my mistakes. Trying to change. I'm really sorry.

You don't know how I feel.

There are just so many things I want to say but I'm not sure if it's what im really feeling or is it just from my anger.

Sometimes I feel like I never want to see you, especially when you're with him.
Sometimes I feel I should never text you, because you won't text back.

We had planned something together, but you rejected it. How do you think that makes me feel?

Last time, when I asked you to join me for something, you wouldn't. And now when he does, you say yes?

Although what I had with you was the past and whatever you said to me, you said it was true. But I'm sorry. It just doesn't feel that way.

I'm sorry im reacting like a jealous bitch. I can't help it. I'm trying to forget, trying to move on and be happy for you, but I can't.

I feel used, I feel secondhand, I feel unappreciated.

I don't think your life would suck anymore without me.

I need some time away from you, but that does not mean I'll be away permanently. I'd still try to be there if you need me.

No matter how much this hurts, I'm going to keep to my promise. I hope you will too, but I shouldn't be that hopeful.

iwtictytiwtly

I don't know for how much longer I can hang around. Maybe it's time. I'd come back when the time is right.

There's nothing much I can do, there's nothing much I can say. I want to be alright, I don't want to leave but that's it. I kind of had enough.

Good luck.

idk.

You always make me angry and don't even realize what you have done. Maybe you do know that I'm angry at you, but you purposely just ignore it even though I've made it so obvious. Why? The way you speak, the way you act, it's just so frustrating. Sometimes, even when it is not me that you're angry at, it seems like youre letting go your frustrations on me. And when if I tersilap cakap something, you'll be angry. Sigh.

Sometimes I feel that you don't care about me at all and you must also think why should you?
You don't care about how I feel.

This is all really strange. You're the one who told me you wanted this friendship to be "special". You're the one who told me I would not mean nothing to you and so many other things you've told me but you're doing things the opposite way. I don't feel that you're keeping up with yours words. I don't know now to trust in the words you say anymore or not. So dissapointing.

and you'll never know the truth to that story.

I'm just ranting. Goodnight.

One of the greatest songs everrr.

You look wonderful tonight - Eric Clapton

It's late in the evening; she's wondering what clothes to wear.
She puts on her make-up and brushes her long blonde hair.
And then she asks me, "Do I look all right?"
And I say, "Yes, you look wonderful tonight."

We go to a party and everyone turns to see
This beautiful lady that's walking around with me.
And then she asks me, "Do you feel all right?"
And I say, "Yes, I feel wonderful tonight."

I feel wonderful because I see
The love light in your eyes.
And the wonder of it all
Is that you just don't realize how much I love you.

It's time to go home now and I've got an aching head,
So I give her the car keys and she helps me to bed.
And then I tell her, as I turn out the light,
I say, "My darling, you were wonderful tonight.
Oh my darling, you were wonderful tonight."

Rob & Kristy

Rob said to Kristy how much he hated her and then how much he loved her. He said he never wants to see her again but he kept on appearing at her door. Rob then hits her on the face, giving her bruises to her left eye but then he apologized. Robbie was an asshole. Kristy left, whispering to his ears, I know why you did it, but I'm still sorry.

Just a thought.

How much you've hurt me. But I was still so stupid.

I've got to stop

I think it's only getting worst. I got to stop this feeling. I have to start to learn how to leave, before you begin to leave me...

ilyc?

I want to say i luf yub can? Hehehehe.

Saja je.

Nothing.

It feels like the most important people are leaving me. Maybe they should, because I am not worthy enough. No matter how much I put in. I am still not worthy enough. I can never be to someone like how Jo was to me. Hah.

I don't like this.

I hate this feeling. Wanting to die so badly. I do not think it's appropriate to think about death this much at this age.

I have been crying for two nights in a row. I do not wish for a third night.
The eyes are swollen and dry, the heart just keeps aching.

Sometimes I wished I didn't exist, it probably have made a few lives better.

At this point, I do not want to be a director. I really don't. I dread it, I take no pride in it. I am embarassed to label myself as one.

and what's life without money issues? There's always one.

Death seems like a fast escape, a torture and punishment. I wonder what happens if I am having it now.

Which is worst?

I'd like to know which is worst.

After your death, knowing that you made no difference to the world with your existence,

OR

Knowing that it was better if you did not exist?

I have a feeling...

I have a feeling that I am going to die at the age of 60 (or earlier). People will leave me and I will find no one to love and die alone. Jeng jeng.

Pretty messed up.

A little frustrated with people and things around me. It's making me a little emo.
and,
I want someone to love and someone to love me back.

Stupid me.

I don't know why I keep writing about you, eventhough you don't read it, well not anymore.
Yesterday, I tried making it a good day for you but I failed terribly. You were upset, not being able to be free for the day, I thought I could make it a little better for you. Yes, I didn't think much, didn't plan well. I'm a terrible planner.

But when I said I was sorry, you said "it's okay". Does that mean I really did something wrong by trying to make you happier? It hurt me a little. Cried a little too.

I don't know why I do the things I do when I know you don't appreciate it. Therefore, I am stupid.
A big idiot.

I need to cool down

I'm really angry at this moment. I need to do something to release my anger and frustration. Hence, this post.

I am angry because I am trying really hard and I mean it, to maintain a friendship or whatever -ship it is. It is tough especially when the person you are trying to be nice to keeps on making you angry.

I'll write another post next time why I'm so fed-up of this. I need to shower.

Joanne is not happy

I am sad.

I dont know how to describe my feelings for you now. I don't know what we are. I miss you a lot, but I know it's different for you. Your feelings are fading away. You'll not remember what we had. You'll leave me. You'll forget about me.

Do you know what it feels like to know that nothing's going to change no matter how hard you try? Nothing's going to change no matter how long you wait?
I tried, I failed. I tried again, only to know i'll never be able to achieve it...ever.

What can I do?