What a day.

A day that was supposed to be a happy one, turns out to be the opposite.

I am speechless about today. It's indescribable. I hope things get better. I really do.

Goodnight.

It was only a fragment of my imagination.

You know how the thai kickboxers would kick the tree repeatly eventhough its extremely painful to make their legs stronger?

We do that too. We do that to our hearts. Maybe the rest of you don't, but I do.

I want a young body, but the soul and experience of a 100 year-old so I would know how to deal with everything.

because...

I've just gone through something that was real but it was made to seem like it was only a fragment of my imagination.

and,

I wish you well.

Let's start now.

Let's start the healing process now. Mentally and physically.

CNY is coming soon.

Question.

How can you hurt someone you care about so much? You can, but for me, I can't without being hurt myself.

One weird call.

This morning, I've gotten one of the weirdest call ever. SJMC called me. They've missed called me around 4 times at around 9 something a.m. Then I finally picked up their call at around 10 something a.m. This is what I think they said.

Operator: Hi, are you a previous staff of Physiotherapy? ( I think she meant are you a Physiotherapy staff.)

Me: Yes..

Operator: Where are you?

Me: Huh?....Studying?

Operator: Huh?

Me: Why do you want to know?

Operator: No..because you're on call today.

Me: *pause*..What???? I have not been working there for a long time.

Operator: No, but it says here you're on call today. Your name is Juanita?

Me: No.. my name is Joanne. J-o-a-n-n-e!

Operator: Yeah. Joanne. But beside your name it says Juanita.

Me: Okay..but you see, I have not been working there for almost a year.

Operator: Eh, how come eh..Okay okay...sorry.

*end of convo* (I've cut the conversation shorter fyi.)

So I thought, okay that would be the end. But no. They called again and again talking about the same thing. Then finally, they called again, but this time it was a different person, and finally they got it. It was an error in their system. But woah, damn hebat right your system. A year later, call me to go back to work. Lol.

Then I decided to find out if they really had a staff called Juanita, and they do. So yeah. What a stupid misunderstanding which woke me up from my beautiful sleep. Sigh.

I hate this part.

Hmm I wonder how should I start this post.
I am tired of this feeling that I have. I want it to stop, but I'm not giving in just yet.
I am very annoyed at the moment, a little angry as well but also sometimes feeling really terrible.

However, I wanna say, it's really tiring to keep on trying or to put the FIRST effort. It will be nice if they started something first. For example, you keep talking to them first but they don't do the same and are, most of the time expecting you to start a conversation first. It's ridiculous, really. They only make the person who keeps trying, look and feel bad. Want to know why? Because once in awhile, if they start a conversation first or anything first, then it'll make others, who keeps trying feel good. I may not make very much sense here. Hmm.

My points is, I am quite sick of having to be the first to talk or start a conversation first. And sometimes, when I do talk first, I'll only get let down. Why? Because all they'll say is a word and they leave the entire convo to you to keep on talking. By doing this, I am sometimes confused. Makes me feel like I'm bothering them so badly that they only responded with a word. It also makes me feel very unappreciated or maybe I can say bagai tepuk tangan sebelah.

I want them to realize, I have feelings too. It's really not just about them.

The beginning of 2009.

2009 didnt start very well for me. I was sick and felt so trapped at home. But, that was over soon.
College has started!
Im so glad that it has started cause it ended my misery of staying at home doing nothing. I met a few new lecturers, they were nice. Also, I found out about our programme for this sem, sure is hectic!
But I am looking forward to performing (hopefully) in March. :D

I LOVE COLLEGE! I never thought I would be this excited. Hehe.
and.....
I'm loving my class now. HEHE.